Allan: Our next match features two teams that are generally considered to be the cream of the crop in women's tag wrestling, but both are coming off of disappointing losses. Joining me for commentary is Congo Paul Roberts
Congo: Oh, am I excited tonight! These teams, the Suicide Blondes and the Gladiatrixes are my two favorites! And later, I get to watch as the Misfits beat the holy snot out of Burning Rain!
Allan: Let's try to focus on one match at a time, shall we? Here's Spud with the call.
(Fans universally boo as 'Rip her to Shreds" by Blondie blasts over the PA. The Gladiatrixes take their time getting to the ring. They each wear leather armor bodkins, and studded leather skirts, a la Xena. They also have greaves and forearm guards out of leather. They both carry mean looking daggers.)
Allan: Boy, these are two women I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
Congo: Some think they're not playing with a full deck, what with these costumes and all. Maybe they should get together with Dementia Praecox. I think dementia is Latin, isn't that right?
Allan: No, she's from Parts Unknown.
Congo: No, you meathead, the word "dementia" is Latin. I'm sure she'd fit right in with the Gladiatrixes.
Suicide Blondes vs. Gladiatrixes
SPUD: AND THEIR OPPONENTS! AT A TOTAL COMBINED WEIGHT OF 270 POUNDS, AND HAILING FROM BRENTWOOD, CALIFORNIA. HERE ARE BABY JANE ROSS, AND TAYLOR MONROE, THE SUICIDE BLONDES!!!!
(Fans boo even louder and throw trash as Ross and Monroe emerge from the backstage curtain and "Where Eagles Dare" by the Misfits plays over the loudspeaker. The Blondes wear tight fitting black vinyl bodysuits with zebra-print collars and cuffs. They blow kisses to the crowd on their way to ringside.)
Allan: These Blondes are just so grotesque. Look at all that make up and blonde hair.
Congo: Much as I hate to agree with you, Bishop, I haven't seen a whole lot of things scarier-looking than the Suicide Blondes. And I've been on safari!
*****DING***** *****DING***** *****DING*****
Allan: There's the bell, and it's Baby Jane Ross starting out for the Blondes along with Tawny for the Glads. Both teams are looking to make some headway in the standings. I wouldn't be too surprised if we saw some funny business over the course of this match.
Congo: I'm not too sure about that, Bishop. Vessey is doing everything in his power to clean up the tag ranks. The Misfits have already shown that they're not going to let him intimidate them, will the other teams feel the same way?
Allan: In any event, Tawny and Ross lock up now, and a side headlock by the Gladiatrix. Ross pushes her into the rope and Tawny bounces off with a shoulder block. BJ is a bit stunned!
Congo: You don't want to match power with a Gladiatrix, and Tawny demonstrates that by flexing to BJ Ross.
Allan: Another lockup, and this time it's Baby Jane with a hammerlock...reversed by Tawny...back to a hammerlock by Ross...and an elbow to the mush by Tawny!
Congo: That's the thing to remember with these Gladiatrixes. They're professionally trained combatants. If you want to wrestle them technically, they'll oblige you. If you're a brawler, they'll brawl with you. The Glads may just be the most adaptable team in the GDWA.
Allan: And Ross is holding her jaw and scowling at Tawny. Maybe she thinks that face is worth something!
Congo: I hear both the Suicide Blondes have their faces insured to the tune of a million dollars.
Allan: Well, after this match is over, the Blondes may just have the opportunity to collect. Now Ross and Tawny lock up once more, and BJ delivers a knee to the midsection. And another. And a series of European uppercuts. Now the Blondes are on track.
Congo: BJ tags out to Taylor Monroe, who climbs the top rope and nails Tawny with a double ax-handle. Now Monroe stomps away at the Gladiatrix. She puts her foot on Tawny's chest as poses down, just like Tawny did earlier. No doubt about it, the Blondes know all about mind games.
Allan: Monroe points to Rusla on the outside, and Rusla tears into the ring. The ref intercepts her, though, and tries to force her back outside. Meanwhile, BJ and Taylor team are double-teaming Tawny!
(Crowd boos!!)
Congo: Ross stops just in time to avoid being caught. So sneaky, these Suicide Blondes. Now it's Taylor Monroe with a reverse chinlock.
Allan: Tawny able to get to her feet, though...an elbow to the midsection of Taylor...another, the hold is broken. Now Tawny backs into the ropes and comes off with a big clothesline. She tags out to Rusla!!
Congo: Rusla, a house of fire! She nails Monroe with a reverse knife-edge! And another. Ouch! A karate thrust to the abdomen! She calls that the Eviscerator. My word!
SPUD: FIVE MINUTES HAVE ELAPSED!! TEM MINUTES REMAIN!
Congo: Now Rusla goes in behind Taylor Monroe...a waistlock... into a German suplex! Monroe's head just bounced off that canvas. Here's the pin!
1 . . . . . 2 . . . . . Allan: And a two count is all Rusla can muster. She tags out to Tawny, who comes into the ring via the top rope...Rusla has Taylor in an armbar...and Tawny comes down hard on that exposed arm.
Congo: Great teamwork by the Gladiatrixes! Now it's Tawney, laying into another armbar...Monroe looking for an escape...and Tawney turns it into a hammerlock!
Allan: We're getting a fine display of submission wrestling by the Gladiatrixes. Whoops, look like I spoke too soon, as Tawny starts driving her knee into Taylor's back.
Congo: Monroe really needs to make that tag. Tawny is trying to keep her on the mat, but Taylor powers her way to her knees. That hammerlock is still locked in. Monroe gets to her feet, grimacing.
Allan: The hammerlock gets reversed! But Tawny with an elbow to the face, and Monroe crumples to the mat. I don't care how hard you hit Taylor Monroe in the face, anything you do can only be an improvement!
Congo: You should talk, Bishop! I've seen some of your dates. Tell me, do you ever get tired of all that baying at the moon?
Allan: Ahem. Getting back to the action here, it's Tawny tagging back out to Rusla after a series of stomps. Monroe is near the Suicide Blonde corner, can she make the tag? No, Rusla drags her into the center of the ring.
Congo: It's Rusla with an elbowdrop. Now she's signaling to the fans! Morituri Te Salutant!
Allan: What are you talking about?
Congo: It's the Latin phrase gladiators would shout to the fans before they began a match. It means "Those about to die salute you". That may sound a bit severe, but in a second, Taylor Monroe won't think so!
Allan: Oh my, Rusla is grasping those arms and legs and...It’s a surfboard! This move is a little awkward, but man, is it painful.
Congo: Not unlike you, Bishop. The Glads call it The Roman Ceiling, and Rusla is rocking back and forth, trying to lock it into place. The only drawback of this hold is, the one applying it can be counted for a pin if her shoulders are touching the mat.
Allan: And Rusla gets her in the air! Taylor is howling in agony! The crowd is on its feet!
Congo: Baby Jane Ross has seen enough! She goes...wait a minute...she goes to the outside. What's she doing?
(CROWD NOISE BEGINS TO SWELL)
Allan: Oh NO!!!! She's got one of those Gladiatrix swords!!!!! This will be the end of Women's wrestling. If this happens, GDWA will be taken off the air!
(CROWD ***SCREAMS***)
Congo: Tawny sees what's going on and moves in front of Rusla and Monroe. Ross has still got that dagger! I hate to say it, but these Blondes have really bad attitudes! Ross is trying to get to Rusla, who still doesn't know what's going on, with that surfboard locked in. I think Monroe may have passed out!
Congo: The ref doesn't want to get too close to BJ! He calls for the bell!
**DING** **DING** **DING**
Congo: Tawny manages to wrestle the weapon out of Ross' hands, thank god! It's thrown to the outside. Now Ross and Tawny are mixing it up, and Rusla breaks the Surfboard and assists her partner. What could have caused all this bad blood?
**DING **DING** **DING**
Allan: The Gladiatrixes are nailing Ross with punches! I can see why Vessey is so keen to clean up the tag division. We nearly had a disaster! What's the ref doing? He's on the phone? Who's he calling? Fans, as soon as we have some answers, we'll give you the official outcome of the match. That must be what the ref is doing.
Congo: Now the referee is conversing with Spud. I would think that the Gladiatrixes should win this one via disqualification, but why is it taking so long? Oh, here we go.
(A hush falls over the crowd)
SPUD: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! AFTER CONVERSING WITH PRESIDENT DENMARK VESSEY, THE REFEREE HAS DECREED THAT THIS MATCH, AT A TIME OF 9:41, BE DECLARED A DOUBLE-DISQUALIFICATION!!!
Congo: Oh boy.
(CROWD BOOS THUNDEROUSLY, THROWS DRINKS, GARBAGE INTO THE RING)
Allan: And a puzzling outcome to this match.
Congo: It's not puzzling at all. President Vessey has gone on his high horse again, sticking his toffee-assed nose into the tag division. Well, he's going to have some explaining to do for this!
Allan: And the Gladiatrixes are complaining to the referee, understandably, as Ross helps Monroe back to the dressing rooms. I don't know about you, but I don't think anything was settled here tonight, and this one is far from over.
Styles: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, boy!
Bishop: Sounds like we have another House of Styles. I guess Sam Mutt is still drinking in the back, so we'll go directly to MISTER Furious Styles.