Promos from Andrea Chandler, Big Ma Porter, Zaranna and more.
(Fade in on a shot of the outside of an arena. The camera zooms through two metal doors, past an empty backstage area, and through a curtain. The camera follows a wrestler's perspective down the aisle, turning left and right to slap hands with enthusiastic fans. The camera moves through the ropes and into the center of the ring, and spins in a complete circle, in order to see a full audience cheering madly. The next shot is of red block letters, intercut with still shots of various superstars holding up their championship belts):
G.................D.................W...........A
SUNDAY NIGHT TEASE
(Fade to a white screen). "Tom Sawyer" by RUSH plays in the background. The picture cuts to several, fast-forwarded clips of notable GDWA superstars. Cut to an interior shot of a modern-looking studio where two announcers sit at opposite ends of a desk with a large screen behind them. One wears a conservative blue suit, the other wears khaki fatigues and a Stetson hat with leopard print.
Owen: Good Evening, wrestling fans! This is the Tease, your one-stop source for GDWA opinions and information! With me is Congo Paul Roberts, your one-stop source for tacky suits and cheap one-liners!
Congo: Can it, microphone jockey, or you'll be back slinging French fries at the local McDonalds.
Owen: Fans, we've got quite a show for you tonight. Many superstars from both the Heavyweight and the cruiserweight divisions are slated to make an appearance. Plus we've got another edition of Ma Porter's Home Kitchen, with Lady Tiger!
Congo: Apparently, stupidity had bridged the generation gap.
Owen: First off, let's hear from GDWA mainstay, Andrea Chandler.
Andrea Chandler
(Andrea Chandler stands before a backdrop bearing the "GDWA" logo in tall blue letters. She smiles and begins to speak.)
Andrea: Well, it won't be long before the survivor series matchup between me and Heidi versus Daisy Butterfly and Zaranna takes place, and the more I think about it, the more absolutely *screwed up* this whole arrangement is. To start with, teaming me with *Heidi*?!? What on earth did I do to deserve that hell? Oh, I forget, it's a kind of punishment for running in on a match or two, and for potentially being behind the injury of poor, dear Daisy. Heidi, you twisted fruit, I repeat: you had better bring your best game to this match. The alternative is the kind of beating that will send you flying back to whatever "extreme" fed spawned you. I am the hands-down best wrestler in Grand Dragon, and I will *not* be made a fool of due to your erraticism.
Daisy Butterfly, you know, I'd like to think that Rekka Sakura is right about you. I'd like to think that you're just playing everybody, that you don't mean it when you say that you made a mistake that you went down the wrong path and you'd like to come back. But I know better. Even while you were in the Syndicate, I knew. You tried and tried, but you never really could get that mean streak, that taint of evil necessary to be truly bad. Trust me, I know "bad" intimately, and you weren't -- and aren't -- it. That's why I took a crowbar and -- oh, excuse me, I *might* have taken a crowbar -- and smashed your arm with it. It's called a preemptive strike, Daisy, and I had no idea that it would pay dividends so early. No, I'm afraid that Rekka is wasting her breath -- and a lot of it, based on her last appearance -- by voicing her suspicions about you. You're the same old soft-hearted good girl that lived for the cheers and adulation of the masses, and as is the case with any fan favorite, it will be your undoing. You'll take that heart and determination into our match, and the fans will look on in horror as I fully maim that arm of yours and put you on the shelf for a *very* long while. Then, with a tearful, remorseful Rekka Sakura promising vengeance as she always does, I'll be well on my way to further glory in Grand Dragon, while you'll be fortunate to lift a dinner fork. Daisy, my advice to you remains unchanged: since you've turned your back on everything that might have made you a success in this company, I recommend you turn your back on wrestling itself and make a graceful exit. Leave while you can. No one will shed a tear if Zaranna is torn up and crushed because of your absence. She doesn't deserve your help, or sympathy, and she certainly won't get mine. Make the smart choice, Daisy. Don't show up. The Diamond Express is chugging along at full steam, and you don't want to be on the tracks when it arrives.
One development I forgot to comment on last week was the emergence of none other than "Little" Ma Porter, otherwise known as Dina. I'd like to formally welcome you to Grand Dragon! I've noticed that you don't seem to get on too well with your mother, and that's a shame. While you're so concerned with not being in her considerable shadow, you're missing important lessons and experience that only a ring veteran such as she could teach. My suspicion is that "The Showgirl," Anais Exotica, is going to make an example of you, and that the only reason anyone will be watching will be because Anais is, well, very watchable, if you get my drift. Really, though, this could be the best thing for you! I've an idea. After she thoroughly dominates you in the ring, you should let Anais do a makeover for you as well! Granted, it won't make you a better wrestler, but at least you won't chase off the viewing public when you come through the curtains. A word of advice, little girl: just because you won a few fights in juvenile hall doesn't make you a wrestler. It's fifty times harder than that. There are no guards to break it up when you're being pummeled, no wardens to complain to, no mercy, no warning. Just a lot of big, mean girls ready to move up the ladder at your expense, for all the world to see. You might have spunk, and determination, and fire -- but if that's all you've got, then you're just like the vast majority of wanna-bes that never make it past try-outs. You're here on name value right now, love. That won't get you very far. Do yourself -- and your body -- a favor, and cut out. If not, then be prepared to suffer at the hands of women who don't just hurt people for money -- they do it because they *like* it. Anais is going to show you that. Wait and see. And Anais, if you *do* perform a successful makeover on the likes of Dina, you'll have my undying respect.
Oh, and I need to mention something to another competitor here in Grand Dragon, none other than Miss Amanda Reese. Amanda, that's very interesting company you're keeping, retaining the services of the incomparable Marissa Monet. But more interesting, I think, is some of the talent you're training. What was that lovely girl's name...Faith? Ah, yes, the striking brunette that showed the kind of intensity that I favor in a young wrestler. Amanda, a word of advice: it will be a *crime* if you snuff out her killer instinct. She's showing that she's adequately predisposed to dish out the kind of punishment required not only to win in the wrestling world, but also to leave a vivid impression in the minds of those she faces. That tendency should be nourished, allowed to flower. So I'll tell you what, Amanda. If she proves to be too much trouble for you...send her my way. I'd be more than happy to give her the benefit of my tutelage, and see what develops. I might like the opportunity to impart some of my knowledge to a bright young mind like hers. Give it some thought.
That's all for now. As always, it's been your pleasure!
(The view fades....)
Congo: The Diamond Express, with advice for all!
Owen: Some of it bears listening to! Daisy Butterfly can take care of herself, and Amanda Reese will do her own thing, but the Juvenile Delinquent, Dina Porter, may just want to take heed.
Congo: Doubtful. That girl doesn't care about anything. I like her already!
Owen: Next up is her un-Leick-ly tag team partner.
Congo: Heidi-ho!
Heidi Leick
Voice: I've asked you before ... and I'll ask you again. Where are your ~Heroes~ Grand Dragon?
[ The camera focuses in at what appears to be an outdoor parking lot, somewhere in NYC ( as you can tell by the skyline )... it's night time... and the buildings in the background are lit with all the fanfare that makes this city famous, The camera pans down, onto GDWA's own Heidi Leick.... "Nobody's Real" by Powerman 5000 plays in the background]
Heidi Leick: You want the answer? The answer... You probably can't ~handle~ the answer. But you're going to get it anyway. The answer... is that they just don't give a damn about ~any~ of you morons.
[ Heidi's standing there in a black leather MC jacket, skintight leather pants, combat boots, & a Powerman 5000 T Shirt .. she's got a garbage bag in her left hand & as she flicks back her long blonde hair from her face.. you can see the scar that runs down her face,... and her forehead is bandaged up a bit . ]
HL: They're out there to sell you crap like this. And steal your money by getting you to buy shit like this... and all this other “garbage"
[ Heidi dumps the bag, where an assortment of novelty things like Rekka Sakura & Jennifer Grier action figures, an Amanda Reese poster , a Lady Tiger stuffed animal, a life-size standup of Anais Exotica , Ma Porter's Fat Free Ice Cream bars, and some of the other GDWA girls stuff , including a Marissa Monet workout video & calendar ]
HL: I just can't believe how DUMB you fans are. They're out to get you fools to spend your hard earned money... waive their stuff around , cheer for them, and then these bimbos leave.. They pay no attention to you. There’s no gratification. I mean, Geez. If you freaks think that anyone here at GDWA actually