(Asian sits in a large, plush leather chair, and continues.)
Asian Invasion: Now Asian, tonight, you take on Ricky “Nothin’ But” Hype, what are your thoughts???
(Asian sits for a few seconds, and continues.)
Asian Invasion: We’ll Asian, tonight I’ll take on Ricky “Self-Made” Hype in a two-out-of-three falls match. My plan being to kick him around for a few minutes, before pinning him for a six count, making it TWO falls, and leaving with the win’
Asian Invasion: Very good Asian, and coming, you’ll be winning your TV title back from God-Awful Rage. What are your thoughts there???
Asian Invasion: Well, in my match with Godiva “Super PMS” Rage. Not only will I regain my TV Title, but I’ll proof to the world that there is more to the WSCW, than sluts. Someone from another league is looking at our fed, and seeing “Mini-Skirt is an understatement” Rage, Con-Smellyo Salyards, and Cheese Poof Monica Brant and saying, “Damn that’s gross”. I’m gonna change that.
Asian Invasion: And we now that you, Asian Invasion, will be the man to solve that problem. It’s about thirty minutes till my match, so I’ve gotta get ready for Hype, go over strategy and study his strengths and stuff. The other 27 minutes will be spend playing Super Nintendo, so I’d like to thank my guest, me, and until I see you next, That’s The Way It Is.
(Scene moves back to the arena)
Announcer: And his opponent, weighing in at 230 pounds. Hailing from New York City. This is Asian Invasion!
Invasion walks down the aisle, jawing with a few fans on the way down. He climbs into the ring and gives a few gestures to the fans.]
Ed: Well, we’ve got an exciting evening ahead of us.
Biff: True, as much as I hate to admit it. And I’m really looking forward to this next match-up. Two of my favorite wrestlers locking up for 2 out of three falls tonight, baby, yeah!
Ed: This could quickly turn into a match to see who’s the more extravagant, Invasion or Hype.
Biff: That’d be Hype all the way, though Asian would win if it came down to who had the biggest.
Ed: (Warning tone) Biff.
Biff: Pay per View draw. Bell goes, they’re underway and Hype offers Asian a handshake! Asian looking at him with suspicion, and then takes the hand. A clean handshake and a lock up?
Ed: Don’t look at me, I’m just as confused. Asian now with a headlock, Hype pushes him off. Legsweep by Hype. Both men up and Hype does his infamous shuffle across the ring. (Crowd boos) Invasion looks about as impressed as these fans sound.
Biff: A little early to be showboating against someone like Asian. Another lock-up, nope, Hype blocks it with a forearm and then a thrust kick! Asian down and Hype again shuffling his way across the ring. (Crowd boos again) Don’t these people know any other words? (A few fans start chanting “Don’t believe the Hype”)
Ed: I guess so. Hype dropping an elbow on the downed Asian who moves out of the way! Asian with a pick-up and a whip to the ropes. Elbow smash! Simple but effective move and Hype is rocked. Asian with a headlock and a drag to the ropes. And he’s choking out Hype!
Biff: Yeah, That’s the way, Asian. Referee now counting on Asian. AI let’s go on four, and then starts to choke again’ Referee counts again’ AI again lets go on four, and chokes Hype again! Seems like AI isn’t happy with Ricky boy.
Ed: Asian letting go of the choke again, and pushed Hype to the mat. Referee getting in Asian’s face but he’s ignored as AI comes off the ropes with a BIG elbow on Hype. Pin attempt. 1. 2. Shoulder up on Hype.
Biff: That would have been three if Referee had been paying attention. Asian with a pick-up by Hype’s hair, and a toss to the corner. Following him in with a tackle. No! Hype moves and Asian stands up just in time to smack into the turnbuckle. Damn, good thing he missed that steel pole, that’ll end a match pretty quick.
Ed: Hype with a grab on Asian but Asian coming back with an arm twist and Hype with a clawhold! Hype clawing AI’s abdomen and AI stepping back to the ropes. Referee in there to get Hype to break the hold but Hype not letting go! Referee with a warning and now Hype lets go. There was no call for that.
Biff: And a SPINKICK from Hype takes Asian to the outside! Ha, no call for that either, was there ED?
Ed: Asian on the outside and Hype again playing to the crowd. And the crowd not too happy with this new side of Hype we’re seeing. Referee laying a count on Asian. He gets back in at five. Hype rushes in’ small package! 1. Kickout! And now Hype with a kick to Asian’s head and a faceslam by Hype! Another pin’ 1. 2. Kicked out again’
Biff: Asian not giving up but Hype trying to wear him down. A toss to the ropes by Hype, and a bodypress on Asian! Another pin’ 1. 2. Shoulder up! Damn, referee’s working slower than Pepto Bismal tonight. If I’d been in there, Hype would have won twice already.
Ed: You said it, Biff. Hype pulling Asian to his feet and slamming him near one corner. Referee laying account on him as he climbs to the second turnbuckle. Elbowdrop! Referee in position. 1. 2. Shoulder up again! Asian not willing to give up quite yet, Biff.
Biff: Of course not, he knows The WAY IT IS! Hype now looking frustrated as he tosses Asian to the ropes, coming in with a clothesline. No! Asian catches him in a belly-to-belly! Both men down now and that just shows how smart Asian really is!
Ed: Referee laying the infamous ten count on both men. Asian stirring now, as is Hype. Both men back up. Asian jumping back in the fight with a powerslam! And a pin’ 1...2. Kickout. Hype still to fresh for a pin, Biff.
Biff: No, this match may go for quite a while before we see anything besides a close call on the pins, Ed. Folks, we’ve got to go to a commercial break but, don’t worry. If this match ends while you’re getting a snack, we’ll be sure to tell you who won.
Monica Brant
(A promo shot of Davey Scott, WSCW wrestler. He looks to be about 15, complete with a huge amount of zits and bad hair.)Voice Over: Davey Scott. WSCW wrestler and looser.
(Shot of Davey being pinned in the middle of the ring.)
Voice Over: Davey Scott. Man and sexist pig.
(Shot of Davey pulling apart the “Never underestimate the Power of a Woman” tee-shirt.)
Voice Over: Davey Scott. Champion and moron.
(Shot of Davey Scott dumping the Internet belt in the trash.)
Voice Over: Folks, no one wants an unexpected pregnancy. So, please, use protection.
(A close up shot of Davey Scott, photo-edited to look rather. unattractive. In the corner is a shot of a condom package.)
Voice Over: After all, some mistakes just shouldn’t be made.
(This commercial paid for by Monica Brant)
Ed: We’re back folks and Asian Invasion has taken control of this match, big time. And I’ve no idea what the WSCW is doing airing that commercial. I think that Monica Brant has gone too far.
Biff: Davey Scott’s gonna kick her butt.
Ed: Scoop and a powerslam by AI! Pin attempt. 1. 2. No! Just barely getting out of that one. Hype kicking out on instinct now, I’m pretty sure. Asian pointing to the top turnbuckle, and pulling Hype over. Asian putting Hype on the top turnbuckle! Hype seems to be fighting it, but AI lays into him with a hard right!
Biff: Hype has nowhere to go and Asian superplexes him right into the middle of the ring! Another pin attempt. 1. 2. 3! YES!
Ed: No go, Biff! Referee sees Hype’s foot on the ropes. You know, I never could figure that whole foot thing, Biff. Could you explain it to us?
Biff: What is this, Beaker’s World? No, I will not explain it. What the heck.
Ed: And Asian now with a whip to the ropes. Missing a clothesline. Hype going for the claw and Asian grabbing his arm. And a knee to the mid-section and Hype’s hurting again’ Asian obviously watching Hypes match at Halloween Horror and having that claw we’ll scouted.
Biff: Of course. Asian’s da man, Chico! Taking down Hype with a suplex now, and Asian looking pleased with himself.
Asian: And THAT’S the way it’s done, baby!
Biff: That’s my boy. Asian picking up Hype again’ attempting to hook the arms. No! Hype with a backdrop on Asian, reversed! I don’t believe it!
1. 2. 3!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the first fall. Asian INVASION!
Ed: Folks, we just saw Asian counter Hype’s backdrop with a modified sunset flip. The legs were hooked, and Hype didn’t have the strength to kick out. First fall to AI.
Biff: Damn, that was something else, wasn’t it?
Ed: Folks, while the two wrestlers and the two commentators recover from that grueling first fall, let’s go to this special update on Deck the Halls.
Biff: Do we have to?
Ed: Yes.
(An empty arena. In the center is a wrestling ring, barely lit by some dull lights. Suddenly, one spotlight illuminates the very center of the ring. In the spotlight, we see some very familiar footage.)
Voice Over: Traci Lane.
(Footage of Lane winning the then-OWA-title, and of her defending the belt in all three versions of the association.)
Voice Over: Fighting champion, Femme Fatale, wrestler of the year nominee, winner of the 1996 Wheel of Torture challenge.
(Shot of Traci after winning the last match of the Wheel of Torture tournament 1996. The footage then changes to the last moments of Mr. America winning the 1997 Tournament.)
Voice Over: Mr.